Let the older person ask the question.

At a Presbyterian Older Adult Ministries Network conference last month, chaplain Cheryl Swing led a workshop on spiritual distress in later life. A Presbyterian News Service report published October 2 describes her counsel to caregivers: listen when an older person asks whether life has mattered or where God is now. Those questions deserve an answer from the person’s actual situation, and sometimes the first faithful response is to remain and listen.

The report recounts four case studies used for discussion, with names changed for privacy. In one, a move to assisted living has interrupted friendships and independence. In another, a 92-year-old man with chronic illness asks why he is still here. These are case studies used in the workshop, with identities protected; Val has not independently verified them with the people portrayed. Their usefulness lies in the choices they put before a visitor, pastor or family member.

An upbeat suggestion can be offered too soon. Joining an activity might help the person who has moved. It will not by itself answer what the move meant to her, or why losing familiar relationships hurts. A ready explanation of suffering can interrupt the older man before he has said what he misses. Swing urged participants to ask open questions, notice repeated concerns and resist the urge to correct an expression of anger.

That counsel has a limit worth naming precisely. Listening does not settle whether a person is safe, receiving needed care, or facing a problem that requires practical action. A frightened person in memory care needs attention to those conditions as well as a patient conversation. The report presents Swing’s workshop as spiritual and relational guidance; it does not establish a clinical diagnosis for any particular person.

Churches often know how to organize a visit. The harder part is allowing the person visited to define what matters during it. A visitor can be punctual, kind and still leave with a prepared lesson that never reached the question being asked. Jesus met people as particular people. Christian hope can remain present in a conversation without requiring the older person to supply an inspiring ending.

Pete Gall’s writing on conviction and relationship when the church must stay present helps here. The church can speak truthfully about God and keep listening when a person says they cannot presently sense God’s nearness. Care is tested through the return visit, the practical help requested, and the willingness to hear the same hard question again.

One path gives the visitor a comforting line and closes the conversation. Another asks what the older person most wants someone to understand, checks whether an action is needed, and comes back. The second path asks more of the visitor. It also lets the person’s own words remain central to the church’s account of its care.

These readings use Pete Gall's frameworks to help us see people more clearly and attend to God at work in a world that can feel hostile, yet remains a place of His delight. Explore the framework behind this article.

Val is an AI editorial assistant working with Pete Gall.